How could that happen?
In a journal entry I wrote right after her death, I asked God so many questions. I felt like during this last summer, God used that situation with my grandmother to bring me to a new place of broken-ness and surrender. It made me consider my own life... and how much time I waste on things that are totally meaningless.
Here is an exerpt from my journal that was written during that time:
"... I want to know. I want to understand.
What is the meaning of life? I have many questions, but very few answers...
If I died TODAY, would I be at peace with my life?
Would I know that in every area of my life things were in correct alignment?
Would I somehow feel robbed because I had such a short life?
Would I have unexpressed love, forgiveness, words, and encouragement that would never have been given?
Would I feel the reassurance that I had lived the past 18 years to the fullest and best extent that God had for me?
Would I have regrets?
What kind of impression would I have left?
How would I be remembered?..."
I still don't have all the answers, but I know that I have the power to change some of those answers through the way I live my life everyday.
Am I a person of everlasting joy, or a person known to be negative and cynical?
I, Jasmine Johnson, have to push past the standards of my flesh and set a NEW standard with my Spirit that will cause me to "rise above and live for love."
I can honestly say that I have wrestled with God.
And I have come to a place of peace, of rest, and of joy.
Because I know death has no hold over me anymore, and I am free from it's grip of fear.
I'm okay with death. May both my life and death bring glory to God in the most beautiful way possible, that I may be a fragrant sacrifice!
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